Hard time

Soo…it’s been a pretty hard time for me…

My workout is weak and i get muscle pain and it gets so frustrating

And recently i found out that the military admission test has changed and i have to run 2 kilometers in 9 minute and a half…i can’t even run them in 10 minutes how it was before it changed….all i can do right now is 12 minutes…

I feel so down…in april i will have the admission and in still can’t run that fast…

I fell like i will never make it…

I know i have to stay strong and work more and more….but everyday i feel more close to the exam and i feel more and more unprepared….

I need to believe in myself but i just can’t right now….

I’m scared…and it’s just so hard…the training and learning and the routine….and i feel alone …because even though i have people around me…i feel they don’t really know my pain…

It’s so much pressure upom me because all my future depends on how i do now…and it just scares me…

I want to be a kid again and not have to think about future…why did i had to grow up ??  I was just fine as a kid…

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Begining of a new chapter

Epic title..i know. 

But actually it’s accurate…i’m starting this “diary” because i just really need to write sometimes…i don’t write good as a book or something…it’s just me writing random things… And i realised that i’m 19 and a half…when i’ll be older…i’ll want to know how my life was…and what i thought at this time…

So for a short intro i’m 19 and a half years old…i just finished my high school and i tried to get into military medicine university and i failed…so i’m taking a year to learn and prepare myself for the admission.

English is not my language…i don’t even know that much…but i’m okay i guess…

This was the first day i started to prepare again…i went to the gym with my dad (he’s my best friend). It was the first time i ever walked into a gym and it was so soo awesome…i’m so excited! Tomorrow i’ll do a bit of  cardio and i’ll learn a bit of my admission book ( antomy) 

Today was a good day 🙂

So yeah…that’s it for today.