Grown up already?

I wonder how was it for other people to realise they are grown ups 

I mean…for me it was and still is a shock…all my life i was a kid…and suddenly i had some exams got out of school and now i have to face life like i have been prepared for this…but they never prepared me for anything. We were always told we are kids…we know nothing…we are immature…we can’t know whats good and bad and can’t make decisions… and then suddenly they kick us out of the school and tell us we’re grown ups now and have to make decisions on our own….

We are told to shut up and sit down for 12 years…and after that one day we are thrown into the world to stand up life…

How is this right? How am i supposed to know what life is and how to manage it… Suddenly we are given “freedom” and responsabilities and i swear i don’t know what to do with them.

I hate this system so sooo much.

I mean…i learned a lot in school…i always had good grades…i was a quiet “well raised” kid…and did my job as a student…

But after 12 years of school…i learned nothing…in a couple of months i forgot most of the information they teached me….it was all useless…i will never use that complicated math again…and if i need informations i will always google it….

So what is school? As i didn.t learn anything about life…i just learned informations i already forgot…

And at the end of the road…i am stitting here confused about life…about choices…about everyting because all my life i was thought to do some things and now all of a sudden i have to do exactly the opposite…

And i’m wondering…am i the only one that feels this way? 

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Confused

I know i am an introvert person but still…i struggle to spend time with people. They always get me feeling tired and at some point i want to just run away from them and be alone. But the paradox is that i don’t like feeling lonely. It’s just that people suffocate me. 

That’s why i don’t have close friends…i can’t keep up with more than 1 friendship…it’s exhausting…

So that was the way i lived my life until now…socially awkward…staying away from people and at the same time crying because i’m not social and i don’t have friends…

Will i ever get over this?  I mean i don’t mind it right now..cuz  i have my boyfriend that is supportive and respects my space and knows how i feel and understands me…but honestly if i were him i wouldnt understant me. So i could just live my life with him and be okay i don’t need more interaction…but it still makes me feel like i have a problem..

I’m so confused…