I love him

​I love him…

I love him when he’s talking about something passionate…i love him when he’s greeting everyone just like a little retarded….i love how silly he is sometimes…i love when he sings because even if he doesn’t have a good voice he feels it so much and he’s making me feel it too 

I love that if i touch him while sleeping…he would grab me…and hold me…

I love when he’s asleep…i love to watch him sleeping like
that…quiet…peacefully…i feel protected…i actually feel
we’re protected…just like we’re the only people in the entire world….just us…just him breathing slowly…sleeping peacefully…i feel like crying when i watch him like this…because he’s just so perfect for me…and i love him so so much…and i could not imagine my life without him…

I love how he acts like a little child when he needs affection and i don’t really give him enough…
I love how he knows me so well he actually understands how i feel and think….better that i will ever be able to understand myself…
I love him when he’s like “meeeh”….cuz he’s so cute…
I love how he accept me just the way i am…and i love how he encourage me to do things and to develop myself more and more…
He’s the reason i’m here today….because he’s the person that changed the way i feel about myself…he changed the way i feel about life…
He just taught me how to love myself…how to be stronger…how to never ever give up….how to believe in myself…and to actually enjoy and love life…
He’s the miracle to my life…and i love him ♡

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Smoke

I always hated people smoking…it’s such a bad habit…it gets your breathing smelly and damages your teeths..and hurts your lungs…and just no happy side of this…

My whole family is smoking….so i’m used to it…but even so i choke while breathing beside them while they smoke

Anyway…to get to my point…i just turned 18 when i first smoked…and i loved the feeling i got…i felt like a grown up…i felt dizzy like when you drink too much…and then…i felt calm…it’s strange how i never thought a simple cigar will make you feel so good and calm…i just loved the feeling…

So i smoked about a month…and only like 3 packs of them…because my lungs felt sick…started coughing..and i was afraid…

Now…these days…i’m missing the feeling smoking gave me… I mean…i still hate the concept because i know how bad it is for the health…but still…i really miss smoking..just one cigar..

Don.t be afraid. I promise my boyfriend i won.t smoke again…it.s just that i miss the dizziness and the calm feeling…

Worth of life

So here is this old friend named Ana and i kinda feel bad for her because she is so strong and beautiful but she doesn’t have any luck in love or anyting really and she feels so down…and i wish i could make her feel better…i wish i could give her some self esteem and some courage to live the life she has…cuz she’s so damn young and the world is so big and amazing and even if life is hard sometimes…it’s worth it if you find the happiness in the little things…

I used to be depressed and anxious and i cried all the time and hated life and had very very low self esteem…i tried to kill myself and all…but one day…i got better…i know my boyfriend helped me so much…and maybe love healed the wounds i kept in me…

My mom has a word ” Don’t take life too seriously…you’ll never get out  alive anyway” 

And it is kinda true…i mean…if i ever feel like life is no longer what i want and is not worth living…i’m gonna run away…and make all the things i never had courage to do…and just find the reason to live…

It’s such a silly thing to give up life…you must be a coward…

I’m glad i didn’t manage to kill myself.