Birthday 

So yesterday it was my birthday. 

20 years…I can’t really believe this…I still feel like I’m 16…

Anyway my dad and my boyfriend prepared with the NGO i run a surprise party and it was very awesome and I had such a great time!

I feel better as i recieved lots of love and everyone who wrote me happy bday wished me luck to fulfill my dreams ^_^

I had this disscution with my dad a few days ago and he explained to me that I tend to see only in the future…where i want to be and how long i have to go to reach it…and I forget the past…and forget where I was and where I am now…all the progress and the work i put in all i’ve done…

And he’s right…i only prepared seriously for like 3  and a half months and i still have 3 and a half months to go…so i’m still halfway to my journey and I’ve come this far…and I will manage to do so much more 🙂

My dad is my hero really…I’m so lucky he is alive and here with me ♡

And after all…i’m only 20…I have all my life ahead…if medschool isn’t for me…I’ll find something to do with my life… but until that…i have to have hope and to work hard 🙂

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Hard time

Soo…it’s been a pretty hard time for me…

My workout is weak and i get muscle pain and it gets so frustrating

And recently i found out that the military admission test has changed and i have to run 2 kilometers in 9 minute and a half…i can’t even run them in 10 minutes how it was before it changed….all i can do right now is 12 minutes…

I feel so down…in april i will have the admission and in still can’t run that fast…

I fell like i will never make it…

I know i have to stay strong and work more and more….but everyday i feel more close to the exam and i feel more and more unprepared….

I need to believe in myself but i just can’t right now….

I’m scared…and it’s just so hard…the training and learning and the routine….and i feel alone …because even though i have people around me…i feel they don’t really know my pain…

It’s so much pressure upom me because all my future depends on how i do now…and it just scares me…

I want to be a kid again and not have to think about future…why did i had to grow up ??  I was just fine as a kid…

New year resolution 

​I forgot to post my resolution for this year

But they say it’s never too late..haha

• get into med school

• Be more pozitive

• Be more organized

• Be more confident

• learn to love and accept myself

• take care of myself more

• read at least 12 books

• appreciate things, people, moments more

• procrastinate less

• stress less

• photograph more and post the photos

• better time management

• keep my nails long and stop biting them

• less “i’m sorry” more “thank you”

• improve my english

• give more gifts

• spend more time with my brother

• don’t swear that much anymore

• maybe get a driving license?… Maybe…

• improve my judging and giving feedback skills for the debate competitions

Aaaand

• travel and Be happy as much as i can 🙂

Hope

No one got where they are today without work…this is my lesson…i need to learn that without working a bit and keeping my priorities straight i cannot reach where i want to. Life is hard and we must fight for what we want. And i know later when we reach our dreams we will be proud and will apreciate it more because we worked so hard for it. 

I’m only 19…i need to sometimes forgive myself for the mistakes i do and constantly remind myself i have a dream and i need to fight for it. It’s hard after i lived in the world of highschool and where i had no real responsabilities to face the real life…and to actually work for my dream and future…

It’s very hard to see all my ex classmates in the university and not to feel bad…

But this year will pass..i will work hard and eventually i’ll be better.

“So will I.”

Habits

I need to sleep less…and eat healthier…and do more work…and sleep earlier…and i just lack the motivation

Somehow i am so weak…i choose to sleep more…and procrastinate doing my work so much…i HATE myself so much….why am i so weak…

I just need to get my shit together…

I will start on monday…because i really can’t tomorrow…but i will. 

I will keep you updated on my progress…

I’m gonna make my habit…and i’m gonna be what i want to be!

I have to change…and i will….i will…

Begining of a new chapter

Epic title..i know. 

But actually it’s accurate…i’m starting this “diary” because i just really need to write sometimes…i don’t write good as a book or something…it’s just me writing random things… And i realised that i’m 19 and a half…when i’ll be older…i’ll want to know how my life was…and what i thought at this time…

So for a short intro i’m 19 and a half years old…i just finished my high school and i tried to get into military medicine university and i failed…so i’m taking a year to learn and prepare myself for the admission.

English is not my language…i don’t even know that much…but i’m okay i guess…

This was the first day i started to prepare again…i went to the gym with my dad (he’s my best friend). It was the first time i ever walked into a gym and it was so soo awesome…i’m so excited! Tomorrow i’ll do a bit of  cardio and i’ll learn a bit of my admission book ( antomy) 

Today was a good day 🙂

So yeah…that’s it for today.