Hard time

Soo…it’s been a pretty hard time for me…

My workout is weak and i get muscle pain and it gets so frustrating

And recently i found out that the military admission test has changed and i have to run 2 kilometers in 9 minute and a half…i can’t even run them in 10 minutes how it was before it changed….all i can do right now is 12 minutes…

I feel so down…in april i will have the admission and in still can’t run that fast…

I fell like i will never make it…

I know i have to stay strong and work more and more….but everyday i feel more close to the exam and i feel more and more unprepared….

I need to believe in myself but i just can’t right now….

I’m scared…and it’s just so hard…the training and learning and the routine….and i feel alone …because even though i have people around me…i feel they don’t really know my pain…

It’s so much pressure upom me because all my future depends on how i do now…and it just scares me…

I want to be a kid again and not have to think about future…why did i had to grow up ??  I was just fine as a kid…

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Insomnia

I think i always struggled with insomnia…i took pills…i drink tea…i took a bath..i did every advice ever…and even when i was little i still had sleep problems…it’s wierd…

I wish i could just sit in bed and fall asleep in 5 minutes…

This sleep problems affect my entire life i swear…cuz i always feel a bit tired…in the morning i want to kill everybody just so i can get a little more sleep…and at night i just lay in bed for like an hour or more…and i feel like i’m loosing time…

It’s this feeling…i’m too tired to read or do anything productive but i just have problems falling asleep…

I just want to have a better sleep pattern and all…